The soundtrack to the night out that Alice, Blair and I experienced the other night would probably be the hit song ‘That’s What Friends Are For’, only the bpm on the song would be increased about a tenfold and it would be sung by Ke$ha; auto-tuned into oblivion.

This week we decided on a whim that we would go out. This sounds quite normal for young urban individuals such as ourselves, but you must understand that our usual idea of a good night is seeing the bottom of a tub of Ben and Jerry’s (disclaimer: We are not obese. Okay? Okay). I don’t know what kind of routine we had gotten into due to winter, but going out on a Thursday was about as unlikely as either of us giving birth to a puppy. Alas we shaved our eyebrow and knuckle hair, got ready to go out and headed to the club sashaying in as the most glamorous patrons the club had ever seen. When Alice and I headed in (Blair was to come) the club was pretty much empty. Did no-one go out anymore? Maybe we had been unwitting trendsetters by staying at home with BFF’s Ben and Jerry.

From the upstairs balcony Alice and I were playing our favourite game – ‘Spot the Hot People’ unfortunately it was kind of like looking at a high difficulty Where’s Wally image. We did however spot Buttons. Remember Buttons?  – Brief pause for some background info.

In my last post I mentioned Friend A(lice) and Friend B(lair) and Person X. Person X was Buttons. I don’t know what the X stands for to be honest, I didn’t think that through; It kind of looks like the arms from Deal or No Deal when they say ‘No Deal’. Let’s go with that. The important thing to note from that reference is that Blair had a lingering crush on Buttons, for whatever reason.

That morning Blair ‘had coffee’ with Dollar, someone who they had also had a lingering crush on for awhile. It was probably a pretty casual thing, but after much badgering on my behalf it is likely that I had somewhat convinced Blair it could have potentially been considered a date (whoops, I was just excited).

The point is, Blair walks into the club and the first thing she sees is Dollar and Buttons, macking hard on the dance floor. I know that Alice is slightly affected too. Alice positions me in the eye-line of Buttons so that they don’t have to make eye contact. Apparently my body acts as some kind of oriental forcefield that repels the sexual mistakes of yestermonth. I can’t imagine anything more awful/kward that seeing someone you’ve recently been ~intimate~ with hooking up in front of you then casually coming up to say ‘Hi’ as if their actions had somehow been completely invisible, it’s happened before and it’s definitely not fun.

Blair left the dancefloor to go to the bathroom. This left Alice, myself and Blair’s friend, (who we know but don’t really know, ya know?) to do the ‘we-slightly-know-each-other-so-let’s-politely-dance-together-until-our-mutual-friend-returns-or-one-of-us-cracks-p-s-the-person-that-cracks-and-leaves-is-an-asshole’ dance. It had been longer than anyone had anticipated. I decided to go and look for Blair (asshole) and found her fanning the moisture from her eyes.

She said she was fine. Sure she was upset about Buttons and Dollar but she was mostly happy; happy that she had recently made up with Alice – she could finally see that it wasn’t Alice, it was Buttons that was the problem. She was happy and perhaps grateful that we were there, at the occurrence of the weird bizarro moment, and that was enough.

I don’t usually do research for this blog, but I did try and research a suitable quote about friendship that would sum up everything that I’d like to say about it. Unfortunately nothing of value came up. It was one of those horrible webpages from the nineties, with a cloud background and neon blue headings in comic sans; an offense to the eyes, I decided just to make my own.

‘Friends are important, you will need them when your two love interests decide to make out with each other in front of you in a dirty gay bar’

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