Be Yourself, Unless you suck.

I am currently somewhat being set up by a friend. I say somewhat because the person I’m being set up with resides overseas and we’re being matched over Facebook. This situation finds itself in yet uncharted waters in my experience with Facebook Politics, and I thought I had a pretty comprehensive grasp on the subject. I consider myself pretty go-to in terms of Facebook related dilemmas such as

‘How many check-ins is too many check-ins?’

‘Is it appropriate to friend request X after only meeting them once, and no ‘I’ll find you on Facebook’ line was used in the conversation’


‘Is it really a bitch move for me to tag this ugly photo of Z?’

I came to know of him from a friend who exclaimed that she knew someone that did our degree and then went on to study at NYU. Amazing. It didn’t really matter what they looked like physically, I already had a brain erection. She suggested that I talk to him to find out how he got to where he is, I thought that was a good idea. Her intentions became pretty clear however whenever she brought the subject up consistently, repeating ‘you guys would be cute together’ whenever she felt it appropriate (always). I suppose if it did work out it would make for an interesting screenplay. It would be loosely based on Norah Ephron’s ‘You’ve Got Mail’ except it will be called ‘You’ve Got Notifications’ and neither of us will own a bookstore.

It’s not that I have low self-esteem, I honestly just think the fact I have friends was some kind of bizarro phenomenon, the kind in an M. Night Shyamalan film; No one quite knows what’s going on or how it happened, but here we are.

She went on to say, just talk and ‘be yourself’.

Often, ‘Be Yourself’ is the most useless and annoying advice that you can ever be provided with in terms of improving self-confidence. Clearly the ‘yourself’ part is probably the part that’s making you insecure. Facebook is definitely counter-productive in terms of validating that ‘yourself’ is enough. If the song ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ by Deep Blue Something is anything to go by, chemistry = common ground (that gets stomped on)

Last Summer Alice, myself and a boy she was courting at the time were at a Pizza Store waiting for our pickup. We were chatting and he revealed that he went to the recent Marina and the Diamonds. I got excited, I had wanted to attend that concert really badly, but couldn’t. He asked Alice whether she liked Marina and Alice said coyly, ‘Yes.’

I sort of squinted in surprise as if Alice had said she enjoying playing water polo and her mother was Cher.

You see a few weeks prior I had played a few tracks to her and she had in no uncertain terms told me that Marina was crap. At the time I sort of wanted to ask Alice which song was her favourite just to see her squirm but I refrained, the curiousness of the behaviour was enough. Ironically enough these days Alice is actually a huge fan of Marina, and not of the Summerboy. Life, ohhhh life.

I looked over my Facebook profile. Suddenly I realised all the joke ‘Like’ pages I had liked on Facebook suddenly weren’t so funny as they were insinuating of insanity. I looked (stalked) his profile and hadn’t even heard of these succinctly chosen and probably highly acclaimed bands and films that he had chosen to wear as badges of honour on his Facebook. Bastard. Why is it that babes will have Facebook profiles that make you feel like a uneducated and uncultured boob?

In the same summer Blair had started seeing Link, but she had decided to take things uncharacteristically slow. We had a theory that perhaps her keenness had been a turn-off to the last suitor.
“I’m just being like really cool and just letting it be whatever”
I was impressed by her new resolve. Things didn’t turn out as planned, a week or so after they had sex Link was back with his ex. Blair was confused. When she asked a friend of Link what he said went wrong she was told –
“He thought that you were just playing him and not into it”
A laughable turn of events for anyone who knows Blair. While being herself didn’t work for the last guy, being someone else pushed this one away. Life, ohhhhh life.

At the end of the day ‘Be Yourself’ is actually the best advice someone can give you. That’s because if someone likes you when you’re being what they want you to be, it’s very likely they’ll be repulsed by you some time down the line (maybe not that extreme).  I’m just going to have to pray (for the happiness of my friend) that this guy likes Oral Hygiene and Mean Girls as much as I do.


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