I was on the phone to a friend the other day talking through some issues that the person was having with their current flame when I made some kind of scathing remark that probably ended in ‘head’ or ‘rag’. That was the moment that the friend on the other side of the phone sighed a little bit and said, ‘I think we are a little to quick to judge people sometimes’.
I knew what she really meant, ‘I think (you) are (judgmental) sometimes’. Instantly I wanted to defend myself, how I wasn’t judgmental I was just being supportive of the situation; but hell who am I kidding, of course I’m judgmental. I judge the woman who wore polar fleece to the theatre (She ended up pooping herself in the middle of stalls, No joke). I judge the kids that pay in all coins. I judge people who wear fluoro and are not construction workers. While it’s not pleasant, I mostly keep these thoughts to myself, but when I’m asked for my opinion I’m going to tell you.
I’m a big believer in second chances, people often make mistakes when they don’t know what to expect or, haven’t been given an opportunity to engage with someone on a personal level. For example, given my ‘neutral’ face gives off a hideous sass that repels angels and all things holy I’m well aware people can construe that I may be unapproachable. However, after I make an effort to start a conversation and get nothing back – I’m going to instantly think you’re a dick.
Speaking of dicks, let’s get back to my friend on the phone call. She was speaking about a guy she was really interested in, and he to her as well, except for the fact he was still with someone, hadn’t broken up with them, and living with them. hnnlglllllll
I get that the situation, and the relationships involved are a lot more complex than I could ever have time to think about. It is undeniable though, that from the outside it just looks like a major clusterfuck – no judgement. I could tell I was upsetting her by saying what was on my mind, and the last thing I wanted to do was make her feel bad about a situation that she was obviously feeling a lot of emotions toward. I relented, saying something like who knows what will happen? In the back of my mind I thought I had a pretty good idea. Here was a guy hiding behind the excuse of ‘honesty’ playing my best friend, telling her he loved her and thought he was amazing while still being heavily involved with an ex; and as much as I wanted to scream down the phone that this idiot doesn’t deserve her in this life or any, it remains hard to wrench your friends away from bad situations, and sometimes you shouldn’t. Because in reality, what do you, a person removed from the situation, only hearing the subjective dramas, really know about the complexities?