A few weeks ago I was consulting with Ruby about how I should be going about communicating with someone that I was interested in. Much time has passed since then but I was left wondering about why I was so stressed out about adamantly finding a specific rule to define how I should go about communicating with said interest. Perhaps it’s a classic case of me being over-cerebral but upon reflection I can definitely say I’m not the only cray cray one that has rules or go-to strategies when it comes to engaging love interests in communication.
Similar to the textual tactics that we use to keep people on their toes our strategies are borne subconsciously. It may be as simple as a go-to location or first date – for example someone I know is obsessed with taking their first dates to mini-golf (yeah look I’m not sure either). Alice went through a phase that I like to call the ‘date meteor’ where all her men would come over for ‘movie’ but they would end up spending anywhere between 48-72 hours straight together. For some of us it’s a little subtler such as only contacting them through text, or only liking their instagrams after they’ve like yours – you know, important things.
While you’re in the thick of things you really overthink the smallest things, simply because you never want to come across as too into it, or hell, too available. Even still, it bugged me so much that there wasn’t an established course of action for me to follow for the situation that I was in, and it bugged me to high-heaven and back. I realised the reason that I was so desperate for a rule to follow was simply a self-preservation thing. As long as there was a semi socially accepted rule that I was following, if I didn’t get what I wanted from the person then obviously there was nothing wrong with me, it was something wrong with them – which I think we can agree is a potentially erroneous thing to think, but hopefully I’m not alone here.
The rule I ended up following was just to do whatever felt natural, and if I didn’t get the response I wanted then obviously they were socially inept and needed to be examined by professionals. – I mean that everything would be okay, and at least you acted as your most authentic self.