Most of us have been faced with a relationship with someone that could only be accurately described as a limbo liaison. You hung out a few times, maybe had sex, things were fine but for whatever reason one of the parties decided to withdraw from the situation. They might have spoken about how they’re busy with work or study, but you know they aren’t but you mutually accept that you’re both adults with lives and dog memes to reblog on tumblr so you understand what it’s like to be busy. Whatever it is can’t proceed ‘right now’ but there’s not exactly a promise that anything will happen when right now passes.
There are many variations of the limbo liaison but the defining factor is that for whatever period of time you were romantically and physically entangled with this individual and a final sense of closure was never achieved. Most of the time the answer was there clear as day, but we’re too proud to really want to uncover the fact someone didn’t think time with us was more valuable than time with a textbook. At the same time, no one promised marriage and there’s no use making drama over every person that doesn’t like you unless you’re auditioning for the premiere season of The Real Cat-Ladies of Singletown. The connection lapses into an area where you are two people who once used to have sex who pretend to be friends, who were never friends to begin with.
Particularly when we are people who were withdrawn from, it is especially annoying and confounding when they decide to pop up in our lives in differing capacities later on. This could be as simple as a Facebook friend request or inbox, to fully propositioning you to go home with them a few weeks after not replying to any of your texts. It makes as much sense as Nadia Oh’s ‘Music Career’. It’s confusing because you had just come to terms that they weren’t interested, and yet here they are… interested. Your friends might say things like “They obviously like you! They are totally thinking about you enough to text you! That’s a good thing”
Maybe they’re right. Obviously the people are thinking of you enough to want to text you, call you, even make out with you again – but maybe we’re giving these people too much credit, after all, they did decide in the first instance that they didn’t want to pursue anything. Maybe it’s not a change of heart, maybe it’s not a sign that things could work – maybe, you’re being used.
If we were to flip the switch just for a second, and shine a light on us as the sexy Angelina Jolie-esque Hero/Villain (a la in the fine film Wanted). I know that at least for me, there have been people who I have decided it was a good decision to ‘end things’ with someone before people formed expectation or it reached a length of time that could have been considered ‘leading someone on’. I left the person with the distinct feeling that I was the winner in the terms of feelings game. Sure I felt bad, but really I was being a good guy by not pretending that I was into something that I wasn’t. Really, shouldn’t I have gotten a medal?
However every now and then, particularly when bored or not feeling particularly self-fabulous, my itchy fingers would send them a text, just saying hey, nothing big. No big deal right? They’d probably love to hear from me. Really, shouldn’t I have gotten another medal? I wasn’t wrong, but soon after the return questions began I remembered why I wasn’t into it pretty quickly – but I felt great about the communication, in a weird way I perceived it as myself still being wanted – a pure ego boost.
I don’t want to discount the fact there are good people out there. Perhaps your situation is the exception to the ego-game and they’re really just checking in because circumstances dictate you can’t move forward with any significance. However, to me, if someone truly wanted to re-enter your life in a meaningful way they would definitely be doing it with something more significant than a check-in via chat and unless it feels that concrete, they probably are just looking for a bit of a prop-up. This isn’t advice that’s telling you to completely burn everyone that decides you’re not their cup of sex, but it is just something to help us be clear how everyone needs a little ego stroke sometimes, and not to get that twisted with change.