Recently a friend and I have both experienced the unfortunate phenomenon of witnessing a person we like fall for someone else. We’ve all been there, holding onto a person in our mind, whether secretly or publicly only to discover a few weeks later that they are in a Facebook Official relationship with someone that resembles the love child of a foot and snowman.
There are obvious pros and cons to situations such as these. One of the cons includes the obvious bash to your ego, leaving you feeling a little deflated but also sassy. As you surf the person’s profile you’re just like
Even the most introverted, low self-esteem individual in the back of their mind believes to some extent they are Miss Universe Two Thousand and Always. Even if we aren’t the most incredibly model-esque, over the top attractive person there are at least quirks about us that are definitely likeable SO I MEAN WHY IS THIS PERSON BLIND OK. Particularly if you have a low opinion of the person that they picked, it can make you very, very confused.
A Pro about the situation is that given that they have moved on, it’s a pretty clear signal that you were somewhat deluding yourself the whole time into the fact that something could have happened. Rachel Z had spent most of her free time arranging to meet a guy she was interested in. Sure they hooked up every so often but she had described his attitude as ‘disconnected’ and ’emotionally unavailable’ – (not a great start). The boy had previously been dumped by a girl, let’s call her Zasha, who ‘just wanted to be friends’ and was still hung up on her (see previous parenthesis). Despite this, she persevered and kept seeing him, besides it’s not like he was saying no, surely he’d come around eventually. A few weeks in the boy was involved in an accident of some kind that wound him up in hospital and she visited him most days. His demeanour was demure which was understandable given his accident. One of the days Rachel was in hospital with him Zasha came in. His spirits instantly lifted and he exclaimed how much it meant to him that Zasha had come to visit him. While he professed his love for Zasha, Rachel slowly picked up her things and left the room and whatever that relationship was. It hit her for real that the guy she was seeing was definitely still in love with someone else.
Much like for Alice and I, when our interests publicly announced their affection for someone else it was a bit of a rude awakening
Despite our best efforts and intentions it wasn’t enough to keep the interest of the other party, but perhaps the best part and biggest ‘pro’ outcome is that it was sort of liberating. We didn’t have to read into interactions any more, we didn’t have to think about how we might be presenting ourselves in a way that wasn’t attractive. Best of all, there was, for now, a sense of closure for the situation.
Sometimes an end to a romantic daydream can be the best thing for us, because despite our fear of rejection we find that instead of being slightly destroyed, we’re free to move on to bigger and better things.